TRANSITIONS & MILESTONES
Around the dinner table this month our family has been reading through and discussing the book of Genesis. I’ve been struck by the importance the author put on milestone events and transitions. An entire chapter is taken up with Abraham’s negotiations with the Hittites to buy land in Canaan so he can bury his dead wife. Later along the road his son Isaac has a dream and hears the voice of God and sets up a pillar of stones calling the place Bethel. His son Jacob spends a long night wrestling with God, is marked with a limp and given a new name– Israel– “one who struggles with God.” (as an aside, I continue to ponder the significance of a people named “struggles with God”– and the possibility that we are also invited to struggle with God– to stay engaged and conversant with a creator we don’t always understand).
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Our lives, also, can be measured by milestone events and transitions– and these take on even more meaning when we observe them consciously. As a family and a larger community we’ve been working at making transitions and marking milestones well. At the beginning of this month we sent Adam Klein to represent our community in Guinea Bissau, Africa where he is helping set up mobile medical clinics for 3 weeks. We also bid farewell to Nate & Andrea and Damon & Alice– two couples who have been an integral part of ReIMAGINE the past 3 years. In the next few months they will move to East Oakland together to start a new missional community called SHALOM. A wonderful picnic celebration, commissioning prayer, gifts and hugs were preceded by months of long talks, discernment meetings, bike rides around east Oakland, and renegotiating expectations of relationships. The work our community put into this transition has allowed us to really celebrate and affirm their next steps. Whenever possible we would rather observe a transition well than have people leave or fade away without closure.
RITES OF PASSAGE. On a cold and clear April evening six men and three boys wandered into the woods to observe another kind of transition–a rite of passage from boyhood to manhood for our son Noah, who turned 13 on April 8th. Together we collected sticks, built a fire and roasted sausages. As the sun set and darkness fell over a Eucalyptus grove we gathered around the glow of the fire. “We are here tonight to observe the beginning of Noah’s journey to manhood.” One by one the men began to speak– first his father, then his grandfather and then other men in Noah’s life who he feels known and loved by. Some told stories about the excitement and awkwardness of their adolescence. Each man shared affirmations, encouragement and wisdom about becoming a man.
• “Use your strength and talents to do good in the world.”
• “Honor the woman you may choose to marry.”
• “Remember your creator when you are young.”
• “At 13 you are already so thoughtful, caring and wise. I am so proud of you!”
Several of the men became emotional as they reflected on the beauty of this ceremony and the void of such a milestone marker in their own lives. In recent years many have observed the conspicuous absence of meaningful rites of passage rituals in our culture. This loss is often attributed to the increasing mobility and fragmentation of our society and the breakdown of traditional social networks. Many of us feel adrift and left alone to figure out life “on our own.” Often when I meet with people in their early twenties they lament and exclaim: “Where are the elders? Who can speak into my life? And where can I go for wise counsel? A young man recently drove two hours in traffic to meet me at an airport so we could talk for 40 minutes before my flight! In this case he simply wanted to hear my story and get a bit of advice about his future.
PERSONAL GROWTH FEEDBACK. Many of the people who seek out a connection with ReIMAGINE tell us that they feel “stuck” in their lives: wounded by disappointment, in a difficult marriage or relationship, in a career where they don’t thrive, or trying to manage persistent addictions, anxiety or depression. Often they have lost faith in religion or church because they’re experience of these has failed to address pressing issues. We think that faith at its best offers hope by connecting the good story of God with the gritty details of our daily lives.
If you were to visit our EXPERIMENTS IN TRUTH workshop you might find it R-rated—people talk with great honestly and authenticity about the messiness of being human and reaching out to live in the Way of Jesus. In this workshop we encourage one another to listen to three sources of wisdom as we seek transformation: (1) the ancient scriptures; (2) the present voice of the Spirit speaking to the soul and through life experiences; and (3) the wisdom and insight of the people who care about us. We invite participants to send a personal growth feedback inventory to 5-7 trusted friends, mentors and parents with questions like the following:
• In what contexts have you seen me most alive?
• What do you see as my strengths and gifts?
• Where do you sense God at work in my life?
• What is my best contribution to the world. How do I best serve those around me?
• What are my blind spots? Are their any areas where you sense that I lack self-awareness or sensitivity?
• Where do you sense a need for greater wholeness, growth or maturity in my life?
In small groups we spent three weeks processing the feedback that people received. Some of us were surprised by the affirmations we heard. Many of us had to wrestle with the discomfort of hearing painful truths about ourselves that we know we need to address. The goal of this exercise was to help each other have the courage to face our challenges and mistakes, believe in ourselves and take our next steps towards the greater wholeness that the creator offers. We also encourage participants to find a mentor or peer mentoring group who can support their progress.
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I really like the advice that Paul gave his young apprentice Timothy,
“Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity…Do not neglect your gift…Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress.”
As a father I love to watch my kids grow, mature and discover who they are and what they love. Lately I find myself staring at them in wonder and amazement. And I think, “She is so talented.” or “he looks so much like his grandfather.” I don’t want to miss these moments of beauty and growth. My thoughts are interrupted with “DAD, what are you looking at and smiling about?” I can’t help but think that this is something like the affection, pride and wonder the Maker feels towards each of us as we become God’s “workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” How can we cooperate with what God longs to do in and through our lives?
Your life, like spring time, is a fertile garden waiting to bloom.
Hailey Plays Mrs. Beaver in this creative adaption. Buy your tickets yesterday. All performances are selling out!
Hey everyone,
THE MARK & LISA TEAM As our kids become teenagers with more independence, Lisa and I have begun to think about how we can partner in our work more synergistically. This year Lisa has taken over an increasing amount of responsibility on our ReIMAGINE team and we’ve started to dream about common work we can do that fits with our passions and gifts. At the New Conspirators conference in Seattle we taught a workshop together entitled “Intentional Parenting and Missional Living.” Over fifty people participated and were very engaged in the question of how to nurture children in a way that connects them with God’s holistic mission in our world. We shared about how we try to live the seven vows of our community as a family. After our session many people stayed around to talk more–particularly with Lisa. As you probably know, in our family I’m generally the one who talks the most and enjoys the crowd. But in our community and circles of influence Lisa is sought after as a wise woman with a lot to teach. We find this to be true even among the college students who come to visit us. I really feel like in our family, Lisa shines as someone who quietly lives out our deepest values and beliefs most consistently in the details of life and relationships. 
